The Resilience of Survivors: Mother's Day Reflections on Maternal Abuse

The Friday Edition | No. 34

The Resilience of Survivors: Mother's Day Reflections on Maternal Abuse

I often feel triggered when Mother’s Day comes around. It is a day that is traditionally meant to highlight the unique and beautiful bond between a child and mother - a relationship typically perceived with warmth, love, and gratitude. However, for many who have endured the torment of an abusive, dysfunctional, or narcissistic mother, this day can be fraught with a complex minefield of emotions far removed from the idyllic portrayals seen in greeting cards and commercials. This can activate old wounds and triggers leaving many feeling overlooked and negated, and submerged in a sea of despair and grief.

Grieving the loss of a mother who was meant to be a source of nurturing and support, but instead inflicted pain and trauma, is a uniquely challenging journey. It’s a process that demands acknowledgment, validation, and ultimately, healing. This process involves acknowledging and validating our pain and trauma, allowing ourselves to feel a range of emotions without judgment. It asks us to recognize the complexities of the relationship, including the presence of both love and harm, and seek support from understanding loved ones or a therapist. Embracing self-compassion and practicing forgiveness, not for the abuser but for our own peace of mind, is also essential. Engaging in self-care practices, such as journaling, mindfulness, or creative outlets, can also help in processing emotions and finding closure.

Ultimately, the journey of grieving a maternal abuser is about honoring one's truth, reclaiming personal power, and forging a path toward healing and self-discovery.