Haunted: The Recurring Horrors of CPTSD

The Friday Edition | No. 6

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Haunted: The Recurring Horrors of CPTSD

It’s that time of the year – scary ghost stories, eerie face masks and costumes, and tricks and treats. Yet while it feels natural to be with the frightening images and ghost stories that come with “All Hallows Eve” for those with complex trauma every day is filled with recurring horrors. We deal with the ghosts of the past that rattle us awake in our sleep, haunt our thoughts, and frighten us even in the light of day; facing zombie-like apparitions waiting around every corner of our world, and a looming fog of confusion filling our mind and body – obscuring clarity and truth. These things are all too real and just a part of living with CPTSD.

Those who have experienced repetitive trauma as a child, and now live with complex trauma and the associated fallout of CPTSD as an adult, know only too well the voices that come at any time of the day or night to howl old stories and negative thoughts into our ears. The internalized voices and old images, now larger and scarier, are on repeat to remind us of the terrifying experiences, hurts, and dangers we endured and survived.

Complex trauma can seem like a rolling snowball – gathering bulk and speed as life goes on. It picks up every hurt, pain, slight, abusive statement, action, and deed along the way, and as old wounds are triggered a present-day trauma experience is added to the growing mass of dread, anxiety, hopelessness, and futility. Adulting with CPTSD feels like something else we must endure and survive.

To read more about CPTSD please see my article at HeartBalm titled, “Courage, Self Love, and CPTSD.”

A child experiencing repetitive abuse will survive by developing skills like hypervigilance and hyper-attunement. These skills along with longstanding subconscious narratives, and stored physical trauma come together in adulthood that for many, makes everyone a threat to some degree. Walking into a room filled with people can be an overwhelming experience yet living in the world means you have to participate with others and being in a crowded room is something that must be faced. Hypervigilance in these situations will kick into gear and your sense of who is or is not trustworthy or safe becomes your secret superpower scanning the room for threats and exit strategies.