"I am out with lanterns, looking for myself": Illuminating the Depths of Trauma and Resilience

The Friday Edition | No. 32

"I am out with lanterns, looking for myself": Illuminating the Depths of Trauma and Resilience

I am out with lanterns,

looking for myself.

_Emily Dickinson, “The Letters of Emily Dickinson”

In the eerie glow of lantern light, I find myself wandering again, searching for lost parts of myself. Emily Dickinson’s words echo through my mind, highlighting the endless journey I tread. The pursuit of a state of tranquility amidst life’s chaos – a space of normalcy – a quiet sense of home in the wilds of this existence.

Sometimes, it feels like an endless journey. CPTSD has a way of showing up just when you feel you have finally found relief, and wounds feel soothed and healed. They don’t tell you that complex trauma is a lifelong companion – a shadow that trails us despite our best efforts to manage it, find wholeness, and be free of it. And maybe it is just one of those things that those who endure its tenancy must accept as part of life – a burden we must learn to carry – another unwelcome cross to bear in a vast landscape already filled with them.