Photo: Self-reflection at Bannack ghost town. Bannack, Montana (2017). Copyright SJPhotographyIs a break ever really a break? Renewing Intentions and Purpose
Hello HeartBalm’ers & Friends!
I’m back from a quick break and am so excited to be back with all of you. It’s wonderful to see so many new followers and fresh faces here also. I welcome you to HeartBalm Healing and our beautiful HeartBalm Community. This little hiatus has been an enlightening time. Though my initial intention was to unplug, rest, and lightly revisit projects that have been sitting on the shelf, this break had other plans for me and brought its own agenda – as life often does.
I think therefore life creates that which I am thinking about.
I believe that life manifests based on our thoughts – a quantum law of creation that explains the “how” but not always the “why.” Managing every thought is impossible, but like many of us, I strive to monitor the mischief my thoughts may get up to. There is so much here to play with in our embodied world but it often gets skewed and tarnished by pain and hurt and the subconscious thoughts related to these experiences. Long-lasting pain and trauma, and childhood trauma leave little quarter for those who are affected by the everyday fallout of PTSD and CPTSD. Yet there is a resilient light that always breaks through – no matter our unruly thoughts – and pulls us from the darkness and back to our world and loved ones again. This is the shining spot of hope that acts as our life raft in tough times. We know it well and wish it was larger, more constant, and would keep us from the darkness and deep pain.
As I step back into HeartBalm I have a renewed sense of intention and purpose with what graces its shores and how it continues to ebb and flow. How it aligns with clients, followers, and subscriber feedback, requests, and comments. And, if you haven’t already - please leave me a comment, share your story, or just say hello!
The creation of HeartBalm was born of the little life raft of light and the essential need to be more heart-centered, nurture and cultivate self-loving habits, and compassionate discourse, and create a practice of mindfulness and presence. The Friday Edition emerged from the necessity to understand and bring light to emotional challenges and conditions, trauma, CPTSD, and everything related to this complex condition. These two areas of life create a “yo-yo feeling” between needing to survive and the longing to thrive; where anguish and shadow yearn for self-love, relief, and compassion. Then there are the other facets – Meditations with Sunny to find more peace, healing, and presence, Notes from Nature to bring a moment of zen and unconditional love into our day, and Power Gems to bring mini meditations of affirmations and power thoughts to keep us centered and feeling empowered – all born out of the need to play, allow the inner child to come into the light and laugh, have fun, explore, find solace, and rest in our being, practice presence and mindfulness, learn and heal. All so important when trying to expand the life raft into a reliable, limitless oasis filled with love, healing, safety, and belonging.
But life has its plans. The saying “We make plans and the universe chuckles” is never truer than when we think we have it all figured out and know what we’re doing. It’s an instructive force that uses challenges, setbacks, and upsets to help us remember our true selves, and teach us surrender, growth, and evolution beyond our limited perception of who we think we are. Life asks us to dance with it and not get stuck in the vortex of cyclical turmoil.
At times, life can feel like a meat grinder, and once we are in its grip it seems impossible to escape and find a way to feel free of the hold of habits, relentless schedules, and normalized and unyielding rituals. The calendar fills with this and with that and is slowly taken up with what seems most important, and the demands of life. Empty blocks of time are hijacked with things that we think we “should” be doing, or what we “must” do to succeed and survive. But where is time for rest, for pausing and listening to and appreciating silence and this moment? Or for fun, open-heartedness, unbridled laughter, and surrendering to our mild or wild side? Over time they get pushed to next week and then next month or when we have time. Then it becomes a place in our mind that holds the list of all the “shoulds” that have lost priority and are now part of the chorus of relenting whispers punctuating our day to tell us where we have failed to do it all or judge ourselves for not prioritizing these places of rejuvenation and we step into the habit of “should-ing” all over ourselves.
HeartBalm was created to bring light and love to the hard truths of trauma-related conditions (and their aftermath), complex trauma, and CPTSD. It offers a healing space to uplift and nurture self-love and compassion. Each element is necessary, brimming with a hunger for enlightenment, relief, and understanding. From my own perspective, life resembled a “yo-yo game” of trauma-related struggles and survival, then recovery through self-love and self-care. While support from a trusted therapist or loved ones is helpful, there was no one better suited or as readily available to guide and love me through tough times than me. When life was calm again, I dedicated myself to positive thoughts and the practice of presence – moving toward the light – embracing my own intuitive and empathic nature, and supporting a haven for myself, clients, and others through tough times. HeartBalm Healing blossomed from these experiences, driven by the need to prioritize beauty, truth, understanding, and a heart-centered life of love and healing. The inception of The Friday Edition was fueled by the need to caretake the times when fear, anxiety, flashbacks, and the effects of trauma interrupt our lives and throw us back into shadow.
This is a balancing act – like life it is filled with ups and downs, stops and starts – always flexing between chaos and calm. It’s about finding a way to compartmentalize, understand, and rest with dark times, and then fall back in love with life again, and bring that love back to ourselves during brighter times. The journey from one realm to another is immensely challenging and needs to be faced – and not minimized. Eventually, we learn to rest with all of it. This “hard knocks” wisdom reveals that the cycles of life, just as in nature, are always changing, repeatedly coming and going. Recognizing this allows us to pause within the calm eye of the storm. It is an invitation to maintain our center of stability as we navigate challenges, are thrown off balance, and find our way out of the darkness and back into the light.
In this practice of staying centered, we build our muscle of tolerance to weather life’s shifts. We develop an empowered place within us that habituates feelings of being supported, grounded, and ready for what comes. This journey asks us to inform and educate ourselves, help and support others, and as we understand more about what we face we remove the shadows of fear and uncertainty about what comes next.
As the chaos of the world comes at us, meets us, upsets us, and overwhelms us we can often become so caught up in its tumultuous grip that we lose sight of our safe haven of self, or our HeartHaven. Feeling out of control and tilted towards a negative and dark world can take its toll over time. When we find ourselves in these spaces, far away from our self-care rituals, and find ourselves miles from home due to fear and worry, it is isolating and exhausting. In these moments, it is so important to redirect our focus back to ourselves. As we do this, we may notice the obstacles that have kept us from ourselves. Sometimes, it’s as if a huge wall of darkness stands between us and our ability to find love for ourselves or others again. The world may feel lost to us, and we along with it. Despairing thoughts can ripple through every area of our world creating more storms that affect our relationships, jobs, hobbies, and interests. Yet, as with all dark times, “this too shall pass.” We know because we have experienced times of light and when things feel in flow, and we can create and have them again. We have known those places and spaces that offered us respite, renewal, and spaciousness. And, in these times, we had the capacity to turn towards ourselves and come home to the safety and love that pervades our being and is then extended outward towards others and the world.
Take a moment to remember a time when you felt in the flow of life, fully grounded, when you felt loved, loveable, and loving, or had an experience where you felt fully present, content, and at peace with life in that moment. Recreate it in your mind as if you are there now. Feel from your heart and notice who was there, where you were, the color of the room or what was going on. Feel how you felt then and breathe into that. Allow this loving moment to be with you in the here and now. Allow it to be your loving life raft. Keep this little memory nugget close to you, and go to that HeartHaven whenever you feel lost or adrift. This is the art of creation, and guiding yourself with love and compassion back to your true and loving self.
Rest, rejuvenation, and renewal are all necessary to find ourselves again when we feel stuck or in dark corners of the world. It is the subtle sandpaper of life sloughing away at the rough edges of our being that are ready to be smoothed and let go for our continuing evolution.
We are all spinning around on this little blue and green globe doing the best we can. Experiencing the ebb and flow of existence – its moments of light and darkness, fear and bliss. There is never a time or an experience, however, that is wrong or untimely. Everything, even if we resist its coming, arrives at exactly the right time, and for our benefit. How do we know this is true – because when it arrives it is here – it has been allowed without our input and is being experienced in our present reality. To resist means to invite more suffering while acceptance aligns us with the natural rhythm, fostering contentment with what comes and with the flow of the universe. Strengthening our muscle of tolerance and authenticity – to be with the heated moments, the frustrations of life, and allowing our reactions to be felt, our inner wounds to be seen and heard, and allowing ourselves the grace to know that it will pass, as a wave moves through the vast ocean, and peace will return. This is one of the hardest things to accept, however, and can still leave us fuming mad or feeling defeated when things arrive that we do not want or find difficult to accept. The choice is always ours, however. Do we resist what comes or do we accept what is?
HeartBalm Healing is not just a space, but a welcoming embrace. It’s a place where we navigate the tides of life’s challenges without judgment, find solace in shared experiences, and embrace the beauty of self-discovery. Here, you are not alone on your journey; you are part of a supportive HeartCommunity that celebrates the unique path each of us walks. So, as you explore HeartBalm Healing, The Friday Edition, and all its offerings, my hope is that you find inspiration, healing, and a sense of belonging. Welcome home!
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Is a break ever really a break? Renewing Intentions and Purpose