Fear Unveiled

Photo: Peeking Bison - National Bison Range, Charlo, Montana (2005). Copyright SJPhotography

Fear Unveiled

A new dawn arrives and fresh with open eyes, and the whisper of possibilities awaiting just outside the door you are greeted instead with a dense and heavy weight that seems to douse the fires of this morning’s dawn of “normal” and casts a shadow over everything. Sometimes the darkness wins the morning. We do not always know where the light has gone. We do not always know why we feel morose and fearful on some days; why we can’t always just feel ready, lively, and curious about what lies ahead for us in this new day, and why other days grant us favor, and a sense of lightness without a thought.

We move forward hoping that something will shake us out of these doldrums. A shower perhaps, or the first sips of coffee will certainly do the trick. We get to work or come to our desks, or other operations of our daily doings, and still, the heaviness of our heart feels as if it is spreading into our limbs, hands, and feet. We may even feel a dark cloud presiding over us shading our every thought and hope that we can come out of this place.

Our mind races to figure out why we are so low. We create stories about an abrupt comment from a friend yesterday, and how that may have upset us more than we thought. Maybe that has something to do with this feeling today. We look to old wounds and wonder if it is arising for some reason – triggered by something we did not foresee. We become trapped in the wonderment of this feeling of malaise, and the sense of too much gravity that makes it hard to move, think, and even walk. We fight to escape the feeling and move into feathered, weightless, and bright places again. The space that allows us to do what we want and to feel good, happy, free, and without weight and shadow.