Photo: Buffalo sighting* - Moiese, Montana (2022). Copyright SJPhotography (*Is this a real buffalo? If you doubted it you are correct - it is a very realistic statue)
Finding Harmony in Doubt
Looking to doubt and attempting to find harmony in it is a seemingly strange place to discover inspiration or understanding apart from its intrinsic qualities of weighty distrust, questioning nature, and its ability to ground us in reality. How little or how much doubt we lean into or allow is often where we find disharmony and imbalance in our work, life, relationships, our sense of self, and reality as a whole. Doubt is to question the truth of something or someone; to be uncertain about, lack confidence in, distrust, or consider unlikely. Doubt can be the wet blanket that stifles an idea in its early stages of growth and forward momentum and douses the embers of the future fires of hope.
Where positivity and the optimism of life stand firm, and even preferred, revered, and held in high esteem – doubt becomes reviled, dismissed, ignored – treated like an unwanted step-child banished to the folds of dark corners and closed rooms. But like the flaws and the imperfections that create our innate beauty, our unique and singular expression of being, showcase our inimitable differences and make us who we are – doubt can be like the heat and pressure it takes to make a diamond. It can be the voice of objectivity, risk assessor, and staunch advocate for distrust and caution before leaping into a void. Without it, we exist with a lackadaisical mind and a relaxed and loose handful of carbon dust and fragments. The contrast of doubt – of uncertainty, measured actions, bespoke decisions, back-and-forths, and maybe-never sing our unique tune of life. As Buddha says,
Doubt everything. Find your own light.
When writing about healing and self-love there is always the beginning dialogue of our woundedness, of being at the low points in our life and doubting that we can rise above or move beyond the heaviness of the pain and hurt that we find ourselves in. Yet, there is a forward momentum – no matter how slow, frustrating, recurring, or complex it may be. It is in the doubt where others who hear or read about our journey find kinship and relief. It is in the uncertainty, the echoes of the past haunting us in the present, and the imperfection and cynicism in the process of healing itself that others can relate to in our words and find comfort within the cracks, and fault lines of our human nature and shared being. From that allied ground, we can hear the words of inspiration and feel the ways in which self-love and healing are for us and achievable even if we are not there yet. Even if we are still holding ourselves closed, as a tightly held bud afraid to open and bloom as quickly as another might blossom and develop.
If you’re going through hell – keep going.
Doubt has few admirers but most of us have come face to face with its rigid views, suspicion, and narrow ideas about life. It fans the flames of struggle, and our ability to say yes to life, move ahead or make decisions. It is the tug of war that leaves us unsatisfied, confused, exhausted, and ready to throw up our hands to indecision. It is a heavy burden and inner nuisance especially when we think time and money are of the essence.
It doesn’t hurt to be optimistic. You can always cry later.
_Lucimar Santos deLima
Doubt is the opinionated and unsolicited audience jeering in the back of our minds. It is the cacophony of dull statements, beliefs, and old stories singing in overlapping concert to everything that we might say “yes” to. It is a choir of obtuse tones, one-notes, and screechy falsettos ringing relentlessly into our ears telling us “no – stop – don’t.”
For the wounded soul, doubt can become the darkest and most familiar of voices – for those lost so long ago – the deep scars, wounds, and stolen dreams leave behind a sea of chaos without faith or hope. Doubt crosses the line into self-sabotage and becomes like a warm, and comfortable shawl on a cold night. It assures us that acquiescing to our doubts, and to the mantle of immobility and scant survival above all else is the only way to live. Self-sabotage and staunch doubt, therefore, offer us a false shelter by letting us think we can predict what’s going to happen and give us an illusion of control over further pain.
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his [her] own twin brother [sister].
Too much doubt can swing into immobility, depression, sickness, procrastination, and stagnation. Doubt can be the gathered, embraced, fortified, and exalted song that keeps us small, stuck, and safe in our cocoons of life and living.
Yet, darkness must have the light to know itself and light the darkness. Faith must doubt in order to strengthen its beliefs. Trust and confidence must know doubt to develop authenticity and a deeper sense of self rather than the façade of hubris and feigned commitment.
Doubt is the great humbler for over-confidence and self-grandiosity when it arrives as the tsunami that upends our firmest grip on who we think we are.
However harsh doubt can seem to be it is the much-needed deep sigh of relief that breaks unyielding perfectionism, relentless optimism, and toxic positivity. It is the shade from the searing light of an eternal sun. The dusk that arrives to offer a break from ceaseless activity and the light of day.
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