Disarming Preloaded Judgments, Expectations & Readied Opinions AND Opening up to Conscious Awareness

Photo of "Q-Tip" taken at Grant Kohr's Ranch, Deer Lodge, Montana (2008). Copyright SJPhotography.

Disarming Preloaded Judgments, Expectations & Readied Opinions AND Opening up to Conscious Awareness

Is it possible to gift something really unusual this year – the gift of consciousness – the present of presence itself; the gift of releasing old stories and held expectations we have of ourselves, and of others, and how they have impacted us in the past and may affect us at this Sunday’s holiday dinner. Are we setting expectations ahead of time for things to happen as they have in the past or ready for someone’s repeated past actions or attitude, way of being, or a particular set of beliefs to recur and annoy us? Are we preparing and building up our own attitude, façade, talking points, and stories of our own expectations to make ourselves feel worthy and enough, and showcase our own high standards, achievements, and greatness in the cramped gatherings to come? And are we doing the same in our response and expectations of how we perceive others in return? Must they meet certain expectations and standards so we can accept them fully and with an open heart? Can we drop all of this and just be, and allow everything to be just as it is?

Nothing is more precious than being in the present moment. Fully alive, fully aware.

_Thich Nhat Hanh, “You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment”

At this time of the year, it is a given that we will be out shopping more and encountering more people and situations than usual as we get ready for the holidays. We will be spending time with family and friends that we may not see regularly, and soon be in close proximity with when we gather for festivities. What are your expectations of these get-togethers? Are you bracing for uncertain or uncomfortable situations that may arise? Are you expecting certain family members to say or do something to trigger you or are you hoping someone will change and be different toward you? Do you have expectations about how you will be perceived because of a new relationship or a job change? Are you gearing up for your own performance so that you meet expectations not only of yourself but of others?

When we look at a woman or a man, we generally have specific expectations or judgments about him or her stemming from our own opinions, beliefs, and expectations. The next time you see someone note what these are – what arises in response to just seeing someone. Where do your beliefs come from? Did you develop them from your own experience or are they gleaned from society’s rules or biases about others? Do they originate from your own family’s beliefs and norms? What do you expect of yourself? How do you judge yourself in different circumstances?

I want to point out that although life can be more stressful, filled with many goings and doings at this time of the year, our expectations remain a common thread throughout our life that we can remain unconscious of. Or we can instead, bring them to the fore of our experience and become consciously aware of these heavy threads of belief. By that I mean – when we begin to notice our expectations of others or ourselves or see judgments we hold of those in our lives, as well as our own being we are opening up to the love that is within ourselves and moving towards removing the blocks of expectations, set opinions, and judgments we have become accustomed to. These blocks are in place as defenses, protective mechanisms, and safeguards to allow us to navigate a judgmental world beset by its own expectations that we take on for ourselves. We do so unconsciously – as these are oftentimes brought on in stressful, hurried, and survival situations where reacting to a situation is done unconsciously rather than acting from a state of conscious awareness.

For more on becoming present check out the HeartBalm Healing’s edition, “Embracing Now & Loving What Is.”

Can we open our hearts to the fullness of who we are and let that shine through as enough? Can we step into each gathering or event we go to, drop all stories, expectations, and readied opinions, and let each and everyone that we meet be exactly who they are in that moment? Can we accept this invitation to allow everyone and everything to be just as it is? This isn’t just a gift for the holidays – to yourself and others – but the precious opportunity available in every moment of life. To be present with love and openness – with a pause, and a reminder to just be – to just be present, open, and allowing HereNow.

EXAMPLE: Your “Uncle Frank” can arrive loud and boisterous, obnoxious, and ready to spar with whoever will take the bait but this time you will see him from the fullness of your open heart and smile with affection, allowing and amusement. In conscious awareness, you can see it all at play here. You see the innocence of his antics in the open space of non-judgment, devoid of readied opinions or actions, and without the expectation that he needs to be, or in fact, will be, anything different than who he is in the moment. It is not up to you, nor do you have to be drawn into the show, the story, or the folly of his bluster, and those who get tangled up with him. It is all just happening, and in presence you can see them all, even “Uncle Frank”, with love. 

To think that I know what's best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I know what's right for me? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve problems for you.

_Byron Katie, “I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead”