Holding Loving Space for Yourself & Others

Photo taken off trail near Continental Divide, Montana (2019). Copyright SJPhotography.

Holding Loving Space for Yourself & Others

Growing up I was always hopeful – filled with possibilities and the wonder of it all. Able to see the best in others even beyond their own fears, insecurities, or limitations. Even after they had done something bad or hurt me in some way, I was still able to hold the space for them – seeing their goodness, grace, and presence as love despite how they treated me. This was my child’s mind seeing others and the world from the perspective of innocence. Over time, and as I grew older, I could see my hope fading. I was not sure why someone who was supposed to love me hurt me. I did not understand how they could be so cruel when I could see their goodness. I blamed myself for how I was treated and learned that I was to blame for their fall from grace. I held loving space for others but could not fathom a reason why I was deserving of the same or that holding the space for myself was an option or possibility. It took me a long time to understand that others’ actions and ways of being were not my fault – that I was not to blame – that my stalwart vision of love for others was a child’s guiltless understanding of how people interacted and how the world worked. Such a beautiful thing – the innocent and pure understanding of a child. Yet, as I grew up, I developed an addiction to hope and hoped others would step into the space I held for them. It became a heavy burden to bear and a devastating belief that was difficult to surrender without losing my trust in humanity completely. My skills for holding space for others, however, was still intact – a beautiful, cultivated habit of loving others unconditionally – now lying deep beneath my immediate need for self-preservation, trauma healing, and survival. The lens of the world sullied by the hard knocks of life, and reality.

When we “hold the space” for another we are honoring their journey, seeing their hopes and dreams as already granted, knowing their healing and transformation as given, and trust in and awareness of their highest self as leading them to their highest good. Like a prayer on their behalf, we access our heart space and the love that we are and affirm our shared being as connected, and of our absolute love and presence for another. A held space can be an intentional space of healing, love, creativity, compassion, learning, nurturing, peace, potentiality, and possibility, or of just listening and accepting another. Empathy has no script. There is no right or wrong way to do it. It is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you are not alone.”

To strengthen the muscles of your heart, the best exercise is lifting someone else’s spirit whenever you can.

_Dodinsky, “In the Garden of Thoughts”

Sometimes we can see the need in another so clearly and the worthiness and deserving of others to be held, loved and accepted – yet we miss the one closest to us and miss the knowing of how to hold the space for own sweet and dear self. So much so that we have missed that it is even an option or a possibility. Sometimes we miss the needs and desires of the one staring back at us in the mirror and wonder how that could be. But it is not too late. It is never too late sweet one. This is exactly the place where you can begin holding the space for yourself – to deepen the pathway, the habit, and understanding of your own worthiness and deserving. The space where we can sink deeply into that holds us safe, grounded in love and healing, elevating our hopes, dreams, and sacred journey through life as granted – trusting that whatever arises we are traveling our highest path. This is not about perfection or holding the space only for our unflawed self. This is coming to know ourselves and our authentic nature with more clarity, depth, forgiveness, understanding, and compassion, trusting our humanness, and coming to know ourselves fully. It is about falling in love with ourselves, our life, and our unique and evolving way of being. We must come home and meet ourselves with bold intentions and with honest eyes and a compassionate heart dear one. Flaws and imperfections as Rupert Spira, the wonderful author, poet, and non-dual teacher points to are exactly the ways in which we find that which we long for and wish to understand more fully, as well as come to know our infinite being.

I become ugly for the sake of beauty

I become hostile for the sake of love

I become cruel for the sake of kindness

I am vast and bright

I am the heart of the heart

I am the voice of a child

I am wonder, astonishment and delight.

_Rupert Spira, “A Meditation on I Am”