Healing Survival Programs of Diminishment, Invisibility & The Struggle to Matter

The Friday Edition | No. 51

Healing Survival Programs of Diminishment, Invisibility & The Struggle to Matter

When I moved back east last spring, I could feel how much I had healed and grown compared to the last time I’d been here. The version of me that had thrived in the mountains – the one that felt alive, authentic, and deeply connected to what I loved – felt like a powerful force within me. I carried that truth and self-love into my return, but as the months passed, I felt it fading. Being back in the environment where I grew up, surrounded by familiar triggers and patterns, was like stepping into a fog. It wasn’t long before I noticed how difficult it was to hold onto the clarity and vibrancy of my mountain self in the face of old family dynamics and cultural limitations.

For many trauma survivors, this struggle is all too familiar. One of the most damaging messages that trauma delivers – whether through abusive parents, toxic relationships, or dysfunctional environments – is that we don’t matter. That our needs are too much, our voices are too loud, our dreams too ridiculous to be worth pursuing. Over time, we start to internalize those messages, believing that the only way to survive is to shrink ourselves.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

_Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin