Betraying Ourselves with Inauthenticity

Photo: Broken & discarded glasses on the street. Kalispell, Montana (2023) Copyright SJPhotography

Betraying Ourselves with Inauthenticity

I recently found myself in a situation where I ran into an extended family member – someone so distantly related that I’ve only met them a handful of times. They wanted instant answers about various family members, including illnesses, deaths, and what everyone was up to. Given that I’ve lived 2,000 miles away for over 20 years, I had little information to share, which seemed of little concern to them. When, in frustration, they shifted their questions to me, I mentioned a few brief personal highlights, and they quickly asked why I did certain things, and how I could afford to do them. I felt a deep chasm of contradiction within me to engage in amiable conversation with a relation but at the same time, feeling caught off guard by their intrusive questions, and curt forwardness. It took me some time to recognize how pushy, excessively personal, and triggering their questions were.

In a short period of time, I went from feeling neutral and calm to overwhelmed, eventually saying anything to satisfy their voracious appetite for personal information, and then to anger and frustration. I ended up feeling out of balance, pissed off, emotionally dysregulated, and completely lost to myself. At first, I couldn’t discern whether I was angry at them, frustrated with myself, or both. Over the next 24 hours, the situation became clearer. I realized, after stepping back, that I had ignored my personal boundaries and tried to normalize my responses by lowering my frequency to match theirs. In doing so, I betrayed myself – ignoring my own precious truth and authenticity.